The nurse from the assisted living facility visited us last Tuesday to evaluate my mother’s suitability for this type of living. I fretted deeply about this, despite trying to calm myself down by re-examining all my escape hatches (”This doesn’t mean she’ll have to move TOMORROW”, etc.). I eventually realized that my primary worry was… Continue reading Assisted living, part 3 / September 26, 2006
Only over the past couple of months have I understood what is meant by “caregiver’s burnout.” Waking up each morning with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, going to bed at night with a head full of circling obligations and regrets. Catching myself in the middle of the rare pleasant experience and… Continue reading “Knocking on heaven’s door” / September 16, 2006
Next Tuesday a nurse from the assisted living home will evaluate my mother here at the house. I spoke to her on the phone today to set the time. She then asked me what my mother knows about the arrangements. Nothing. We have brought it up as a possibility with her, but I have still… Continue reading Assisted living, part 2 / September 13, 2006
I’d like to repeat a comment that was left for me by Patty Doherty, one of the creators of The Unforgettable Fund. Answering just ONE of her questions requires one to be bravely empathetic. And until the most powerful members of our society can acknowledge and deeply empathize with the least powerful members (note Patty’s challenge,… Continue reading Good stewards, part 1 / September 11, 2006
Several times this past week I’ve heard myself telling someone that my mother would probably be moving into assisted living fairly soon. Each time the words startled me–as if I were hearing someone else saying them. I don’t know when the “if” became “when”–or even if it truly has become “when”–but a part of me… Continue reading Ifs and whens / September 2, 2006
I didn’t make a conscious decision to take a hiatus from posting, and really didn’t notice that I’d withdrawn until Gail mentioned it to me in an email. But it’s true–I’ve felt so weighed down by everything that I haven’t had the spirit to write. Today was an awful day. It didn’t start out that way–I left… Continue reading Going home / August 29, 2006
Today my sister and I had an appointment to talk with my mother’s primary care doctor. I left our meeting with a good feeling, not because of any hopeful news about my mother, but because I feel fortunate in having my mother under this doctor’s care. We were referred to him shortly after the AD… Continue reading The good doctor / August 23, 2006
Today was one of those flat summer days–flannel-colored sky and spongy air. I usually wake up on Sunday morning with a list of chores that should have been done on Saturday, and today was no different. Yesterday was a washout because my “post-traumatic” migraine (entirely expected) kept me out of the sunshine and in my… Continue reading Quotidian / August 20, 2006
I returned to work today, after two whole days of being unable to control my tears. Although I dreaded the day I’d have to say good-bye to my beautiful boy, I was still unprepared for the torrent of grief that followed. I am extremely fortunate to work with many animal lovers–people who actually cried with… Continue reading Being sad alone / August 17, 2006
I lost one of the joys of my life today: my collie Dustin. I’m still overcome with grief, even though I had been trying to prepare myself for this day. Oddly, I felt relieved to release him from his suffering, which had been short. His breathing has worsened overnight and by morning he was intubated.… Continue reading Grief / August 14, 2006
