I was awfully angry for the past couple of weeks. I just don’t know what to do with it sometimes. I’m so used to rationalizing but of course I can’t rationalize this. Watching my mother sit in the same spot, day after day, disappearing into herself can be excruciating. I can’t talk to her about… Continue reading Glimpses and spells / April 26, 2006
One of my recurring dreams features a couple of pet birds I once owned. Often I dream that I’ve forgotten to feed them for weeks, and I find them barely hanging on to life. Last night I dreamt that one had died in its cage, and I didn’t even notice until well after the fact.… Continue reading Intangible #1 / April 13, 2009
Some days, I’m situationally tired. In other words, I know that I’ll feel better after a good sleep. On other days–more and more of them–I’m so tired that I’m even more exhausted after sleeping. I have dreams that just remind me of my waking life. Today I actually called in sick to work, did not… Continue reading Neither here nor there / April 13, 2006
…to set me off. On her way to bed last night my mother looked out a window and said, What a dump. Then she looked around inside and said, Inside and out. I take comments like this personally. I think she’s criticizing me for not doing it all. I’ve thought about this since then, and I can imagine… Continue reading It doesn’t take much / April 11, 2006
Yesterday I came home from an unsettling day at work to find my mother making dinner. She had put three place settings out. Is Liz coming for dinner? I asked, and she looked bewildered. You have three dishes out. She rolled her eyes. I always expect other people–I always think someone else is coming home, she said. I wish. I wish… Continue reading The others / April 8, 2006
A good day, and then a bad day. Yesterday Mary spent time with my mother, and when I came home from work she was bright and sharp. When I came home today I found the front door locked and had to rummage for the key to let myself in. My mother was sitting right there. I… Continue reading Good day, bad day / April 4, 2006
Sundays are usually tough. Today I was battling a migraine, which means not only an aversion to light but also an awful lethargy. Every act seems protean. I knew that my mother likes me to take her out on the weekends but today I just couldn’t do it. And I’m reaching a point where That’s… Continue reading That’s that / April 2, 2006
