A quick entry, just to say that I’ve posted at least once in August. I continue to visit my mother three times each week. Some days I find her settled, other days–like today–find her agitated. She’s usually fretting about someone she cannot quite identify. Today it was someone named “Lily” (the name of my recently-departed… Continue reading Same old, same old / August 31, 2007
My mother is much quieter when I visit now. Today being Sunday, we took off for our usual lunch and drive. My sister comes along, as does Jasper the Sheltie (who really doesn’t like going for a ride, surprisingly–he runs and hides when I approach with his harness. This is pretty uncharacteristic for a dog… Continue reading Decision fatigue / June 10, 2007
This is the first entry I’ve written from my own home. Last night was the first time in two years that I’ve slept in my own bed. I’m having a decidedly mixed reaction to the present. My mother moved into her assisted living unit on Thursday, an experience that lived up to all expectations. I… Continue reading Assisted living, part 5 / December 30, 2006
Two days ago my cousin telephoned, and my mother answered. I listened to her side of their conversation and thought, “Have I been dreaming? Is she really sick?” She handed the phone to me at one point. “She sounds great,” my cousin said to me. Is this the woman I visited in the nursing home… Continue reading Heart and/or mind / December 10, 2006
I was just over at the Alzheimer’s Association Caregiver Forum where someone had posted a message about the caregiver’s stages. I think I passed from one stage to the next on Sunday night, in a matter of minutes. I had a meltdown right in front of my mother (which I had tried never to do)… Continue reading Meltdown / November 20, 2006
Today reminded me of why taking care of someone with Alzheimer’s Disease becomes unbearable. In short: there is no smooth trajectory downward–you wake up each morning with little expectation of what the day will bring. Things get horrible, then they suddenly improve for awhile. Then they get worse for a day, then you coast along… Continue reading Catherine Wheel / October 6, 2006
I’ve begun several posts over the past week, and then found myself petering out very quickly. Each day begins on the wrong note as my mother becomes more and more anxious at being alone. She can no longer evaluate the situation and tell herself that Eva will be arriving at some point–her anxiety feeds on… Continue reading Holding / October 3, 2006
Only over the past couple of months have I understood what is meant by “caregiver’s burnout.” Waking up each morning with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, going to bed at night with a head full of circling obligations and regrets. Catching myself in the middle of the rare pleasant experience and… Continue reading “Knocking on heaven’s door” / September 16, 2006
