Two days ago my cousin telephoned, and my mother answered. I listened to her side of their conversation and thought, “Have I been dreaming? Is she really sick?” She handed the phone to me at one point. “She sounds great,” my cousin said to me. Is this the woman I visited in the nursing home… Continue reading Heart and/or mind / December 10, 2006
I’ve begun several posts over the past week, and then found myself petering out very quickly. Each day begins on the wrong note as my mother becomes more and more anxious at being alone. She can no longer evaluate the situation and tell herself that Eva will be arriving at some point–her anxiety feeds on… Continue reading Holding / October 3, 2006
I didn’t make a conscious decision to take a hiatus from posting, and really didn’t notice that I’d withdrawn until Gail mentioned it to me in an email. But it’s true–I’ve felt so weighed down by everything that I haven’t had the spirit to write. Today was an awful day. It didn’t start out that way–I left… Continue reading Going home / August 29, 2006
As I was piling the laundry into the basket this afternoon my mother, who was lying on the bed, said to me: “Oh–Happy Birthday.” Today is my birthday, actually, and I think she first remembered it at that moment, but the setting was comic. It’s silly of me to expect the day to be a little different,… Continue reading Caregiver’s Nirvana? / July 15, 2006
I’ve been reading My Mother’s Journey and having a conversation with Bailey, its author, about the gradual reversal in roles between our mothers and ourselves. We have both discovered that our own illnesses can bring out the maternal impulse that our Moms still possess–in my case, I’ve actually found myself “milking” the illness (which is usually a… Continue reading My mother, myself / July 12, 2006
I went to Catholic school as a kid, and I was one of those neurotic kids who hated to leave the house. I must have made life difficult for my parents because I was always feeling sick in the morning. When my mother would make my lunch she’d write a little poem on a piece… Continue reading Full circle / July 9, 2006
Today was the wedding day. Last night I hemmed the pants to my mother’s new pantsuit, and then I set her hair with the new sponge rollers I’d bought. At some point she began to confuse today’s event with a graduation, and wanted to know whether all the students would be there to get their… Continue reading The wedding / June 24, 2006
This is a story of how dementia and family dynamics can be kneaded together to create something that will rise on its own. It’s an example of how one situation and its ripple effect stoke the stress that often underlies the mindset and the judgment of the caregiver, and which then reaches the Alzheimer sufferer… Continue reading Dia de los Muertos / June 17, 2006
I was reading about my Biblical namesake Deborah, a judge and prophetess in Israel during a time when it was under the control of the Canaanites. She was one of those protean Old Testament women who exploit the antithesis between her social status and her gender. But her role as a judge is what interests… Continue reading Best judgment / May 16, 2006
My mother often forgets that my father died. She doesn’t claim to see or hear him, but she sometimes wonders when he’ll be getting home. My sister says that she often refers to me as “Dad.” I mentioned this to our case manager and wondered how I should respond–should I correct her or play along?… Continue reading Dad’s ghost / March 24, 2006
