I haven’t been wanting to write much lately. I’m feeling tired and uninspired, just trying to deal with the ups and downs of this spell. A routine is starting to take shape: I visit my mother on Tuesdays and Thursdays right after work. I leave the library at 3:30 and get to Garden Manor by… Continue reading Pictures / February 6, 2007
Today is colorless and cold, one of those bland, blank winter days. After weeks of unnaturally mild weather we were snapped in two yesterday when the temperature dropped to the single digits. I left for work yesterday morning in 7 degree Fahrenheit air. My car sounded like it was about to fall apart when I… Continue reading Letting go / January 27, 2007
My mother in into her third week at Garden Manor, and I can see that she’s settling in. She has a couple of friends she often sits with and she’s gone on a couple of outings. Last week she had her hair cut and permed. Visiting remains difficult, for both of us, I think. When… Continue reading In transit / January 14, 2007
It’s been a rough couple of weeks. Anticipating and planning for the move to assisted living, making the move, and now adjusting to it–each stage has exacted its emotional toll. I began visiting my mother six days after she moved in, and if I had it to do over again, I would visit her earlier.… Continue reading Making the change / January 7, 2006
This is the first entry I’ve written from my own home. Last night was the first time in two years that I’ve slept in my own bed. I’m having a decidedly mixed reaction to the present. My mother moved into her assisted living unit on Thursday, an experience that lived up to all expectations. I… Continue reading Assisted living, part 5 / December 30, 2006
My mother went to bed early tonight (about 7:30) but I can hear her up again, wandering into the kitchen, the living room. Today I told her that I’d arranged for her to move to assisted living, and I imagine that she’s unable to sleep because of that. She responded in no uncertain terms that… Continue reading Assisted living, part 4 / December 26, 2006
Two days ago my cousin telephoned, and my mother answered. I listened to her side of their conversation and thought, “Have I been dreaming? Is she really sick?” She handed the phone to me at one point. “She sounds great,” my cousin said to me. Is this the woman I visited in the nursing home… Continue reading Heart and/or mind / December 10, 2006
I received a letter from the VA today, informing me that my mother had been denied the Dependency and Indemnity Compensation (DIC), as I suspected she would be. I should explain that the application I submitted actually served two purposes: one, to apply for DIC, which is awarded based on service-related medical conditions; and, two,… Continue reading Aid & Attendance, part 4 / December 9, 2006
As I write this I can hear my sweet, nearly-14-year-old collie Lily as she yips plaintively in the other room. There is nothing in particular the matter–she has begun doing this at various times of the day and night. We visited her vet this past Thursday and I asked her if dogs could suffer from… Continue reading Lassie, get help! / December 2, 2006
I’m doing better since my last post, which is interesting to me, since nothing external has changed. Except, maybe, my hormones–which I know are internal but I think fueled my anxiety last weekend. So the medical researchers out there who are looking for a way to use that extra NIH grant money might consider studying… Continue reading Voices in the wilderness, part 1 / November 26
