Alzheimer's disease · Behavior · Burnout · Caregiving · Language

Catherine Wheel / October 6, 2006

Today reminded me of why taking care of someone with Alzheimer’s Disease becomes unbearable. In short: there is no smooth trajectory downward–you wake up each morning with little expectation of what the day will bring. Things get horrible, then they suddenly improve for awhile. Then they get worse for a day, then you coast along… Continue reading Catherine Wheel / October 6, 2006

Alzheimer's disease · Assisted living · Caregiver · Caregiving · Death · Disclosure

Assisted living, part 3 / September 26, 2006

The nurse from the assisted living facility visited us last Tuesday to evaluate my mother’s suitability for this type of living. I fretted deeply about this, despite trying to calm myself down by re-examining all my escape hatches (”This doesn’t mean she’ll have to move TOMORROW”, etc.). I eventually realized that my primary worry was… Continue reading Assisted living, part 3 / September 26, 2006

Alzheimer's disease · Bob Dylan · Burnout · Caregiver

“Knocking on heaven’s door” / September 16, 2006

Only over the past couple of months have I understood what is meant by “caregiver’s burnout.” Waking up each morning with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, going to bed at night with a head full of circling obligations and regrets. Catching myself in the middle of the rare pleasant experience and… Continue reading “Knocking on heaven’s door” / September 16, 2006

Alzheimer's disease · Caregiver · Caregiving · Disclosure · Emerson · Grief

Assisted living, part 2 / September 13, 2006

Next Tuesday a nurse from the assisted living home will evaluate my mother here at the house. I spoke to her on the phone today to set the time. She then asked me what my mother knows about the arrangements. Nothing. We have brought it up as a possibility with her, but I have still… Continue reading Assisted living, part 2 / September 13, 2006

Alzheimer's disease · Behavior · Brain · Caregiving · Language

Deja vu / September 6, 2006

I called my mother from work at the usual time this morning, and she was having the speech difficulties she often has when she’s upset by something. But she managed to say to me, “I have company today.” Using my best powers of interpretation, I guessed that she meant Eva, the homemaker. “No,” she said.… Continue reading Deja vu / September 6, 2006

Alzheimer's disease · Behavior · Caregiver · Caregiving · Family

Going home / August 29, 2006

I didn’t make a conscious decision to take a hiatus from posting, and really didn’t notice that I’d withdrawn until Gail mentioned it to me in an email. But it’s true–I’ve felt so weighed down by everything that I haven’t had the spirit to write. Today was an awful day. It didn’t start out that way–I left… Continue reading Going home / August 29, 2006

Alzheimer's disease · Caregiver · Caregiving · Everyday · Transcendence · Writing

Quotidian / August 20, 2006

Today was one of those flat summer days–flannel-colored sky and spongy air. I usually wake up on Sunday morning with a list of chores that should have been done on Saturday, and today was no different. Yesterday was a washout because my “post-traumatic” migraine (entirely expected) kept me out of the sunshine and in my… Continue reading Quotidian / August 20, 2006

Alzheimer's disease · Behavior · Caregiver · Dogs · Grief

Being sad alone / August 17, 2006

I returned to work today, after two whole days of being unable to control my tears. Although I dreaded the day I’d have to say good-bye to my beautiful boy, I was still unprepared for the torrent of grief that followed. I am extremely fortunate to work with many animal lovers–people who actually cried with… Continue reading Being sad alone / August 17, 2006